The Perplexing Texting Tactics (that might not actually work…)

emojis

Playing the game is not a new concept. In the 1800s, girls wouldn’t just give away a lock of her hair to just any strapping lad that came riding up on his horse. In the 50s, men wouldn’t just give their class ring to any girl who scandalously flashed her ankles (gasp!) In today’s society, the game of playing hard to get has reached a whole new level due to the invention of text messaging.  There are new codes to decipher, and new rules to follow. I’m about to break down the game of texting, so men, pay close attention. What you never understood will be clarified down below.

When a girl is flirting through text, she wants the boy to think she is uninterested but interested at the same time. This type of logic is only understood by women, so if you are a man and you are confused, do not be ashamed. Basically, the boy must think she is really busy and not as into him as he is into her. This is why girls take a very long time to respond to a text. As I have absolutely no game, I usually begin to type out a text as soon as I receive a text. However, my friends have had to stop me and make me wait to respond. Apparently, responding right away will make boys think you are too eager.  This is why, when a text is received, it is common practice to wait at LEAST 10 minutes before responding to a text. It is also important that she does not open the text as iPhones notify the sender when the text has been read. This way, she just reads the text without actually opening it, allowing more time to think of a witty/flirty response that will keep the conversation going. The object of this waiting period is to make the boy seem like she is doing other more important things and isn’t paying her phone any attention, even though she is actually staring at her phone and waiting anxiously for a text from him. Everything is strategic.

Some men deceivingly play the game as well. They do this by sending short texts that are really irritating to girls, because we never know if they are interested or not, and this leads to much interpretation. Boys will say “hi” “no” “yeah” “haha” and “ok” while girls send texts that are practically the size of novels, which they typed and backspaced at least three times, only sending them after it has been approved by all of her friends in the room. What is so ingenious about these short texts is that boys actually think about the short responses they are going to give, in order to make it harder for the girl to understand his intentions. Like come on guys, give us something longer than one or two words!! Like when a guy texts “hey,” how da fuq am I supposed to respond? #frustrated

Punctuation is another key factor in playing the game. Girls are always asking me, things like, “should I put an exclamation point at the end, or would that be too much?” Ordinarily, in the game, it is just best to end with no punctuation at all, as for some reason, we tend to think that makes us seem excited but not too excited. Punctuation is rarely used in the middle of sentences, so commas and semi-colons are rarely used. It’s considered weird when texts are too proper, yet they can’t be all about them “JCs” and “NMUs.” The most important thing about punctuation is the period. If a sentence ends in a period, that means that she is trying to sound cold or serious. Look at the difference:

Boy: Hey whats up?

Girl: Nothing

Versus:

Boy: Hey whats up?

Girl: Nothing.

Clearly, in the second example, the girl is much less interested than in the first.

Double letters are another ingredient in playing the game. To girls, there is a major difference between typing “hey” and “heyy.” The double letter is a sneaky way for a girl to sound more interested without having to use an exclamation point (because the exclamation point is way too extreme.) So boys, the double letter is a good thing. And the triple letter? Well you might as well unzip your pants because she totally wants to bone you.

And the last, and most important thing about playing the game is to Emoji? Or not to Emoji? THAT seriously is the question (I don’t know what that Shakespeare dude was talking about. Like “to be?” W.T.F. mate…) but in all seriousness, Emojis provide the perfect facial expressions. Sometimes they are even used as the entire response to a text like the thumbs up Emoji, or the smiley blushing Emoji. If a girl sends an Emoji in her text, she is most likely comfortable with the boy, and feels unthreatened by him. When two people first start texting, girls tend to shy away from using Emojis, as she wants to seem casual, and once again, not super into the conversation.

Basically, the object of the game through texting, is to use these strategies to seem super uninterested in the boy, but not too unenthusiastic  as to scare the boy away. This balance seems impossible, however many women have mastered the game. I myself have yet to understand when it is appropriate to send Emojis, and I still usually respond pretty fast. But the way I see it, is I should be able to text how I want to text. If I want to respond, who cares about the ten-minute waiting period. It’s not like I wait at least a half hour to go back in the pool after eating lunch. I’m just one of those reckless, rule-breaking, bad-ass girls. You don’t like how I text? Sue me. (LOL. “Sue me” sounds like an Asian name.)

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