Sex Scenes that Make a Scene #Awko-Taco

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I don’t know if it’s just me, but I always feel extremely uncomfortable when I am watching a TV show or movie, and a sex scene comes on. It’s not because the actual scene makes me uncomfortable, but it’s knowing that other people know that I’m watching a sex scene that makes me nerv.

So like, I don’t know what it is, but somehow, every time I’m watching anything at home, my dad will come into the room when a sex scene is happening. Like, EVERY TIME! It’s like he times it. And it’s not like its when I’m watching something where I know there will be sex, like “Girls” or “Sex and the City,” but even when I’m watching “Pretty Little Liars” or “Gilmore Girls.” That ONE sex scene that happens like once every 10 episodes is in full motion when a parent enters the room.

When this happens, I try to act chill, or sometimes I pause it when I hear footsteps in anticipation, and pretend like I’m doing something on my phone. One time I was watching “The Notebook” with my parents, but I had already seen the movie, so when the sex scene was about to happen, I got up to make popcorn, and conveniently re-entered the room when the sex seen was over. Coincidence? Me thinkith not! I did the same thing when I was watching Titanic with my mom one time when it was the sensual painting scene. (Because “It only counts, if you saw a nipple.”-Mean Girls)

But it’s not just with the rents that sex scenes make me uncomfortable. Even when I’m watching with friends I feel weird. Like, what should my facial expression be? Should I seem really into the scene, like really feel the true love that’s being experienced between the two characters? Like tear up or something? Should I make a grossed out face? Or smile and make a “that’s what she said” joke to clear the tension? I try to act nonchalant, but I always get really red and get this weird feeling like I need to do something with my hands but I don’t know what to do with them, and I try to avoid making eye-contact with anyone else who’s watching. It’s just a big sexual plate of discomfort with extra awksauce on top.

I also totally hate watching sex scenes in a movie theater. It’s so damn public! I get that same feeling I get when I’m sitting in class listening to the teacher read a passage from a book and she says the word “breasts.” (LOL. “breasts is funny.) This is why I’m glad I chose not to see “Good Luck Chuck” in the movie theater when it came out. (emphasis on the words “came out.”) At least it’s dark in the theater though, so I don’t have to worry about my facial expression.

The worst however, is when I am on the train or plane or chillin in a public place on campus watching a movie on my laptop and a sex scene comes on. Then I think that everyone around me thinks I’m some perverted girl who likes to watch porn or something. Like one time I was watching “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days” on a train, and I was sitting next to a Senator, (which is totally cool and only happens because I go to school in D.C.) and when Matthew McConaughey started peeling off Kate Hudson’s shirt, I saw the Senator look at my computer disapprovingly.  (Either that or he was contorting his face in a weird way because he was trying to settle the tent being pitched in his pants…though I really hope that wasn’t the case. #BonerAlert) This is when I pretended to get a phone call, and talk to no one on the phone saying “hello?…yeah…what…no, I’m on a train…” while pausing the movie and closing my laptop. This was frustrating, because I actually did want to watch, but I didn’t want to get judgment from the people around me.

So, I have decided the safest way to ensure I can enjoy all parts of a movie, is to watch it alone, in a private place, so I don’t have to feel weird about anything.

And the same also goes for when I watch that people-with-missing-limbs porn that I’m into…JUST KIDDING!!!…

Or am I?…

You’ll never know. 😉

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