Lulu’s a Bitch: The App that Annoys the 6.5 Boys

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If you haven’t heard of the free iPhone app Lulu, then you live under a rock. (LOL guess what rhymes with rock…SOCK!) Actually not really because I just found out about it a few days ago, but needless to say, you should know about it. The app is incredibly entertaining. You press all these things that gives Lulu the ok to access all of your Facebook information (I never know if I can trust that but whatevs) and then it allows you to rate guys on a scale of one to ten. At first I thought the app was kind of dumb, but now  I cant stop! I have yet to actually rate any boys, but viewing them sure is fun.

How the rating works? First you select your relationship to the guy. Is he your ex-boyfriend? Crush? Hook up? Friend? Relative? Are you together? Select your relationship status, and then answer the next juicy question; how are his looks? This is important, because most girls are shallow and believe that a guys looks are more important than his personality. To all of those girls who are like that, you are the girl who will end up alone because you are too picky, or really unhappy because you chose to be with a hot guy who has a personality that is either so boring it could put a coked out Red Bull addict to sleep, or is such a douche bag, he could metaphysically give an entire town’s  female population a sparkling clean vag. graphic but true. Sorry if you vomed a lil bit.

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After rating his looks, you move on to what I find more important; his personality. The options are a bit limited, but it covers all the basics. If he funny? how are his manners? Is he ambitious? Will he commit?

The next step is hashtagging. Since I freekin LOVE hashtags, #LoveHashtags, this is my favorite part of the app. First are the positive hashtags. Examples: #experienced… #HasADog, #Manscaped, #4.0GPA, #Big.Feet., #SmellsAmazeballs, #sexualPanther, and so on. After that, you select the negative hashtags. Examples of this include: #QuestionableSearchHistory, #TotalF***ingDickhead, #WearsEdHardy, #PlaysDidgeridoo, #OwnsCrocs, #WanderingEye, #Can’tBuildIkeaFurniture, and more.

Many criticize Lulu for being inaccurate. In some cases yes, the ratings are a little off, but the hashtags are usually spot on. For example, I was checking a rating of this guy who totally screwed my friend over and he received a hashtag of #FuckedMeAndChuckedMe. This described exactly what he did, and I don’t see it as a problem for others to know the douchey things that guys do.

I have heard of some guys complaining about their low ratings on Lulu, asking questions like “why do I only have a 6.5 when [insert hotter/smarter/nicer guys name here] has an 8.2?” The thing is, is most girls will rate in a really negative way when the guy did something to upset her, and will rate in a nice way if the guy is a good friend or treated her well. This may seem bias, but that is the point of Lulu. You received a bad rating because you did something to make her not like you, so it makes sense that you deserve a bad score.

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Guys also sometimes like to steal their girl friend’s phone and self-rate themselves. Like dude, if you really want to get good ratings, step up your game, act like a mensch, and maybe shower once in a while, because girls like when guys smell like something other than sweat and weed.

I like to use Lulu ratings in daily conversation. Just the other day I was talking to a group of people and telling them about my friend’s weekend. I explained that my friend was hammered and then proceeded to make out with an 8.8! My audience then understood that he was quite a catch.

The App is a bit limited as you cannot write in your own hashtags, but the app does a great job at summarizing all of the ratings into one sentence that describes all of the comments you selected, like “His kisses are like passion bombs” or “He’d be a totally faithful boyfriend.”

Now, lets talk about the double standard, or as I like to call it, the dooble stoondard (haha, dooble stoondard is funny…) I realized that as fun as Lulu is, if there was an App where guys could rate girls, there would be total chaos. I would be soooo against it. Like, its so horrible to rate a girl for her looks! How wrong! Guys might be thinking wait, why is it fair for girls to rate guys but not for guys to rate girls? The answer is it’s not fair, and life’s not fair. In the words of Lil’ Kim, “The guy gets all the glory the more he can score, while the girl can do the same and yet you call her a whore.” In other words, there are dooble stoonderds with everything and guys are just gonna have to suck this one up. Society deems it ok for girls to rate guys and mean for guys to rate girls. Just stick to shit talking girls on your frat list serves…like, we know you aren’t just discussing philanthropy…

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4 thoughts on “Lulu’s a Bitch: The App that Annoys the 6.5 Boys

  1. I was reading this because as a gentlemen I deserve to know what’s going on in the world around me. I have absolutely no disputes with the app and I’m not here to piss and moan about it either. But, I do that to say that “dooble stoonderd” was so hilarious I had to stop reading from all the chuckling and read it over (several times) to get it out of my system. My gosh, anyways wonderful article! Ciao.

  2. The whole fucking and chucking thing is absurd. I find it comical that a guy is considered “bad” or a scumbag for sleeping with a girl and deciding that he doesn’t want anything more. Is it possible that maybe just isn’t all that into you and perhaps he has better options. Sure if he is mislead you and tricked you into sleeping with him by conveying false emotions that’s not cool. But a single guy has every right to choose who he continues seeing as long as he’s emotionally honest. Girls do the same shit, seeing a guys sleeping with him once or twice and then deciding it’s not for them. Just because you sleep with a guy doesn’t mean he’s then obligated to be your boyfriend or even continue seeing you.

    It’s surprising that any guy has positive ratings. In theory only the girl (or girls) a guy is currently seeing would rate him positively. All other women he’s been with either dumped him or were scorned by him. I can tell you from personal experience I am the greatest guy in the world to some women and a huge piece of shit to others. One womans trashs is other’s treasure.

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