Flowers, breakfast in bed, Snoopy cards, and many failed attempts at functional family photos? It must be Mothers Day! Here are 5 reasons why I love my mom.
- Mother Always Knows Best: Ok, so I don’t know if this happens to anyone else, but sometimes I’ll go outside and my mom tells me to bring a jacket, and I’m all like, no I’ll be fine I’m not cold, and then I’m outside for a few minutes and I realize I’m freezing, but I have to pretend like I’m not cold because I’m stubborn and so she doesn’t know that she was right. Well, guess what mom, you were right. I totally should have listened to you. It’s things like these that moms always know. They know when we should wear our jacket, they know when we’ve had enough ice cream to eat (Haagen-Dazs for the plain flavors and Ben & Jerry’s for the exciting flavors of course,) and they know when heels are too high and are gonna be uncomfortable to walk in even though my feet were totes fine the two minutes I walked in them in the store. So thank you mom, for always knowing. We know you’re always right, even if we don’t want to admit it.
- Mothers Are Your Own Worst Critic: Abraham Lincoln (who I think is pretty hot which is weird but like hey, I like em tall) once said, “(S)he has a right to criticize, who has a heart to help.” Well, moms are always DTC (down to criticize) and they definitely are always down to help you fix the problem. As annoying as this may be, I love my mom for this. She tells me when my skirt is too short, and at first I get mad because I was totally going for the slutty-yet-classy look, but when she points out its shortness, I become aware that it wasn’t classy after all. She will tell me if a sentence sounds bad in an essay, and maybe I don’t want to listen because I’m an arrogant writer and think that everything I write is genius, but when it comes down to it, her suggestions are usually really great. Moms are also there to tell you if you need to wax your mustache because you are starting to look like the bearded lady, or tell you you need to fix your hair because the crimped look went out of style before people could realize it was never cool. My mother is definitely a critic, but I can’t hate her for it, because in the end she is only trying to help, and help she does. (and also its not like she is super mean about it like that scary food critic in Ratatouille, Anton Ego, who I don’t actually hate because he becomes all happy in the end of the movie after practically having a foodgasm from the ratatouille the rat makes…totally realistic by the way.)
- Mothers Know Random Shit: This is so freaking true that moms know all this totally random information from all their life experience and I’m always like who knows this stuff? Well the answer is our mothers. We go on a drive and I point out some flowers that are pretty. “Oh, those are wisteria flowers” she says. (yeah, you thought I wasn’t listening but I was, malm.) I point out a cute puppy walking by. “Oh, that’s a Bichon,” she tells me. (more like a leash-on, as in you should keep a leash on THAT dog because it is uuuuggglyy!! Ooooo Burn!!…sorry. #UnnecessaryTangent) Anyway, mothers know all these random facts, that I would never learn without her, and I am so thankful for that. (How else would I know the difference between white, cream, ivory, Eggshell, and ecru. Thank goodness I know now, FEWF!)
- Hot Mom Genes (see what I did there? Like Mom Jeans? Get it? Get it?): So like basically, I am extremely thankful for my mom’s amazing good looks, because without them, my siblings and I wouldn’t be so damn attractive! The high cheekbones, the good eyebrows, the flawless smile, and so on, are all thanks to you. For those of you who don’t have a milf of a mother, I hope for your sake your dad’s a hottie (but not the type that screws the nanny because then he’d be a home wrecker.) For those of you with ugly parents, I’m sorry, you’re out of luck, but they are making extraordinary advances in the plastic surgery field so keep your head up, (even if you have to cover it with a brown paper bag until your face gets reconstructed) because there’ still hope! Anyway, thank you mom for being so beautiful, inside and out! Call someone with oven mitts because you HOT!! Zayummnn
- She Loves You Yeah, Yeah, Yeah: The greatest thing about my mother is that she supplies me with an infinite amount of love, that I am so grateful for, and I feel so blessed to have that. On a serious note, (and not a high-pitched note because that would be really annoying) there are some children out there that never hear from their mother that they are loved. Well, every day you have told me that you loved me without fail. You ask me if I know how much you love me, and you stretch out your arms as wide as they go and tell me “thiiiiiiiis much!” Mothers are there to love their children and take care of them and be there for them no matter what, and mom, you do just that. You love me so much, and I love you that much back, and then some. (I always wanted to say “and them some”…I think it makes me sound mature. YAY!)
Happy Mothers Day to all the amazing moms out there! It’s totally not just a day for Hallmark to make some serious greenery. You deserve way more than one day of recognition for all that you do, but since you only get today, take advantage of the pampering you receive, the family time you get, and the laughs you receive when you tell your jokes, because chances are, they weren’t that funny, but we have to laugh, because it’s your special day 🙂 LOVE YOU MOM ❤