Bringing Sexy Back (To School)

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To all of my avid readers and fans (since I’m like, a super famous blogger) I sincerely apologize for falling off the face of the earth this summer. I was stuck in the camp bubble as a counselor. (YAY for getting paid 2 cents an hour!!) But have no fear you crazy college kids. I’m back and I’m here to stay! (pause for applause and confetti and random Hawaiian people swallowing fire. WOOOO!)

Summer is an interesting time for college kids. It’s like this weird three-month gap where you are away from your friends who you literally spent every single minute with during the year (minus class time where you were just texting them behind your open Mac book pro…and don’t deny it.) Then, all of a sudden, you are ripped away from your best friends, sorority sisters, boyfriend or hook-up buddy, and find yourself back where you came from: home. Well fuck.

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Literally, to those of you who love your high school friends, good for you. But for the most part, high school friends were forced upon us by social status, money, and how good you were at sports.

The whole social climbing aspect of high school literally makes me want to vom. People tried so hard to be cool. As the bus driver in Billy Madison said, “I know from experience dude.” Like who was REALLY themselves in high school? Not me. Even that weird girl who wore clothing from the renaissance era wasn’t being herself, she was totally just trying to get attention…and she was fuckin weird.

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Here’s what I think. If you miss your high school friends, then you’re doing something wrong in college. Maybe you just peeked in high school because you were in the right friend group and then you got to college and people realized how much you suck. Well that’s karma, because you were probably a bitch.

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Now that I completed my A.D.D. rant about high school sucking ass, I want to get back on the subject of the weirdness of coming back to school after summahhh.

As many can tell from my post on Freshman year, the first year of college can be pretty freakin nuts. You are literally a chicken walking around with your head cut off, just cluckin (or fuckin) around. Clueless? Yes. Mistakes made? Yes. But we take those three months off to reflect on those black out nights and hang over mornings and realize that we learned something.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, you actually learn something when you go to college. Tuition? Worth it. Here are the two things that I learned from last year: 1) Freud was a semi-misogynistic man that I weirdly found attractive since he was totally brill and could do all that phsychoANALisis shit (haha to the capitalized letters) and 2) once you know what your doing, college is SO much easier.

I kid you not, every girl I knew who was having boy issues last year experienced a full on Jay-Z-esque moment of clarity and realized that they deserved so much better. They came back with more respect for themselves, and a strong head on their shoulders. Sorry guys, it’s not gonna be as easy as last year.

I also came to the conclusion that guys are super lucky girls like to get shit faced out of their minds when they come to college, because if they were sober, these dudes would definitely not be getting as much taco for their meat. Like seriously, when they’re drunk, they have so much confidence and game, and then you talk to them sober and they are literally a blank slate with flirtation skills of a 7th grader. Like, be interesting during the daytime too hombre!

Another thing I realized? As much as you want to, do NOT waste your time on Netflix like I did when I watched all 10 million seasons of Gossip girl. (Like it was so bad, but I just HAD to know what happened next. #guiltypleasure) Get out and do shit. Go to a museum. Try new restaurants. Get lost in a park. Don’t just sleep off a hangover all Saturday, because after college, you have to do responsible things in the real world, and you wont have time to experience all the things offered in these great college towns.

A reflection of parting was also made by most over the summer. We know our limits now. We know not to take that one shot that will set you spinning over the edge, or puking all over the floor. We know that other people are watching, especially Freshman, so we must set a good example for them. Show them that guess what, it’s NOT a good idea to walk around in just a bra and thong at a frat party. Can we say SLOOT ALERT? Party with your class out, and not with your ass out. Am I right ladies? Am I right?!

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On the subject of school, now I know how things work here. I know what to read and highlight and what to skim, I know what professors to take and who to avoid, and above all, I know how to take a book out of the library! (For some reason I was super scared to get books from the lib last year and avoided it at all costs until it was required for one of my classes to check out a book. Totally did it, but I accidentally spilled Gatorade all over the book and tried to return it and they were like “why is this sticky?” (That’s what she said) I was all like “Oh! I have NO idea how that happened! I think it was already damaged!” but they didn’t believe me and made me buy a new book, but whatever. Ya live and learn.)

Chenyway. Summer was a time to reflect, and everyone came back a little changed, and frankly a little hotter (like whoa, guys buffed up, girls toned up. Zayum!) That three-month gap was completely necessary. We all needed to readjust and remember each other’s sense of humors and annoying things our friends do that we learned to ignore last semester. We learn that the stupid shit we put up with and dealt with was so absurd, and we learned that it is time for a change. Obama, ya feel me dawg? 

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