After watching my best girl friends, sorority sisters and campies float from one guy to the next, falling in and out of love and lust, I realized a pattern. For the most part, girls don’t talk about their feelings. Or at least, it’s really hard (that’s what she said) for them to do so.
To every guy out there reading this, stop rolling your eyes. You probably think that talking about our feelings is all we do when we are with our best gal pals (while we simultaneously have drunken pillow fights wearing nothing but lingerie…yeah keep dreaming.)
But the truth is, we don’t like to admit our true feelings for a guy; not even to our besties.
There are a few reasons we don’t just come out and say we like a guy, and so I have made a list to break it down and explain our fears.
1. Our Fear of Rejection: Yes. If we confess our true feelings for a guy, we become extremely vulnerable. Why? Because we fear rejection. If you couldn’t tell from my past blog posts where I randomly rant about how much I hated high school, those four years were not my peaking moments. The only attention I got from guys was when they wanted to talk to my cooler, prettier friends and asked me if I could move down one seat. Like, how depressing is that? #OverIt #ButAmI?
However, because of this, I now doubt everything about guys. I may think a guy is super into me, but as soon as he stops texting me for a couple of days, I “logically” come to the conclusion that he is disgusted by me and hates me and probably deleted my number while fucking some hot blonde chick that’s skinnier and taller and richer than me. Guys drive girls crazy in that sense.
And so, we don’t want to tell people how we feel about a guy, because if we tell him we like him and he doesn’t feel the same, we become a version of ourselves we haven’t seen since our fat days of sophomore year, so why would we want to risk it?
2. Our Fear of Seeming Clingy: Guys never want to come off as the “relationship” type, but guess what. Neither do girls. When in a relationship that hasn’t yet been defined, it’s difficult for a girl to tell her boo thang that she has feelings for him, because she is scared that her feelings will scare him off. She is scared he will suddenly see her as clingy and wanting something more than just being casual.
This TERRIFIES US! Girls would rather be known as a bitch than a clingy, needy hook up. (Especially because similarly to how there are girls out there that only like douche bags, there are men out there that only like bitches.) For the most part, minus annoying psycho girls, we don’t want our men to be whipped. (unless she’s a kinky leather-wearing dom)
We don’t even want to be the ones that wear the pants in the relationship. (Equality. AMIRITE?) So we are careful not to bring up our feelings to our guy, because we don’t want him getting the wrong impression and we don’t want to come off as looking desperate and clingy. We don’t want him to think we’re suffocating him, and we don’t want to screw up what is already working.
3. Our Fear of Commitment (FOC): It really is true that we are never satisfied. When we’re single, all we want is a man to love us and date us and marry us and be our love slave. But if we are seeing someone, we suddenly inch away, because we don’t want to commit. The problem is, is FOCing doesn’t work if you’re not JUST fucking. In other words, if what you are with a guy is more than just the benefits, then there has to be some sort of commitment involved.
This is when things get scary. We’re in college. Just how frat guys and player GDIs want to bang a hundred slam pieces, girls (more stealthily) want to do the same. College is when we are figuring everything out. In an article I was reading on nytimes.com (yeah, I read more than just Betches Love This and Twitter #educated) the article stated that 80% of froshies are unsure about their major. EIGHTY PERCENT! College students don’t know which major to pick, we don’t even know if we should buy mechanical pencils or lead pencils, and we sure as hell don’t know what we want relationship-wise.
And so we fear commitment. Even if we are sure we want to use a lead pencil, we also know there are a million mechanical pencils that will also suffice. But everyone knows lead pencils are the best. They’re the sharpest, classiest, and most graphite-fying (tried to make a pun with graphite and gratifying #fail) type to write with. If you didn’t get where I was heading, what I mean to say is that even if there is this super magnificent fabulous guy who is right there in front of us, we are scared to tell them how we feel, because that means committing, and that means saying goodbye to any other possibilities.
Words of advice: Here’s the thing. In the words of FDR, “The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.” Ladies, we have to stop being afraid to expose ourselves to the ones we care about. We are scared because once we put our feelings out there, we don’t know what will happen.
But those who say ignorance is bliss are living in a fantasy. It’s not real, and it will never become real. If you tell him how you feel, it may end things, but it may also may bring you closer together. Real, honest, true relationships are more magical than any fantasy world. So tell him. Don’t be afraid, because chances are, when you tell him you like him, he’ll give you a kiss and tell you the same. #LeapOfFaith #LOF #MyNewHashtag #ItsProNouncedLikeLaughButInABritishAccent #Trending? #ButSerisouly #TellHim