Something amazing happened a few weeks ago at Union Station when I was waiting in line at Einstein Bros Bagels (Product placement?…JK…but like, pay me if you want, I’m not above it), while I was wearing bleach-stained Hardtails and my makeup from the night before.
As they called my number for my everything bagel, which I wasn’t supposed to be eating (#carbs), a man quietly said “Excuse me.”
I looked over to find a nervous, yet handsome looking man, and as I had no idea what he wanted, I just stared at him, deer-in-headlights style. (Did he want to get to the napkins that I was blocking? Did I accidentally take his bagel? And if so, should I just run away with it because I was hungry)? Instead in a shaky voice, he said to me,
“Hi, my name is (totally don’t remember because I was nervous, but it wasn’t something weird like Herb or Afif) and I just wanted to introduce myself to you because I saw you and I think that you’re really cute.”
Literally, this was an incredible moment in my life. Now I’m not saying that men haven’t tried to pick me up before, but this was the first time the guy wasn’t like 10 tequila shots deep before mustering the courage to ask for my name and number. Also, side note. how cool is the word “muster?” Ughhhh I love it. It sounds like mustard!
Anyway, this made me realize that because of the hookup culture, which I don’t usually criticize, women have accepted that meeting men in clubs and other drunken situations is ok, and men therefore have gotten lazier at how they win our hearts.
And so I am writing this blog post for two reasons. The first reason is to brag about the fact that I was picked up by an attractive older employed man who was polite and well-dressed (sorry not sorry…oops), and the second and more important reason is to express to all men that if they want a girl, they should grow some cojones, and ask her out soberly, during the day, like a well-mannered gentleman and a straight-up mensch. Like seriously, stop being a man-baby.
Dudes. This may seem scary. I totally understand the concept of liquid courage, especially in the case of events attended by an ex, or karaoke nights, but asking a lady out in a polite way will score you ten million man points. In other words it’s like adding 3 figurative extra inches to the peen. #Peen.
If I didn’t have to go catch a bus to New York, and if I wasn’t spending this semester traveling around London and Europe #BraggingAgain I would have 100% given him my number.
Why? Because I respected the fact that he was brave enough to approach me, and be honest and forward with what he wanted. That is a real man, and boy-reading-this-who-would-never-admit-that-you-read-my-blog, you should really follow his example.
Don’t ask a girl out bum to groin mid-grind on the d-floor with pregame-beer breath and slurring pick-up lines that drunk-you found clever. (SO MANY HYPHENS!!!) That’s not how you’re going to find something real. (Obvi if you’re looking for a one-night-stand though, by all means, whatever works).
But trust me. It doesn’t matter if you’re short, or scrawny, or hairless, or have those weird thumbs that look like toes, confidence goes a long way with women, and there is a much better chance she will give YOU a chance if you ask her out like my Union Station Loverboy.
On that note, I want to warn everyone that creepy leers and slithery grease balls who whistle at us and say things like “hey sexy, whatchu doin tonight” does not work on us. I honestly don’t know why these guys will constantly cat-call if it clearly doesn’t help them pick up women.
Staring at her boob cleave whilst asking for her digits won’t do the trick. Be sweet and mature and kind and courageous, and you’ll most likely win a date. And ladies, don’t accept anything less than that.
Chivalry will only die if we step aside while these common 21st century men try to kill it. There are men out there that are still respectful, so don’t lose hope, and look out for him, because he may just be waiting for you as you wait for your bagel and schmear.