I’m tired. I’m tired for two reasons. The first is because there was a bat in my house and I can’t fall asleep because I’m scared it will bite my head and I’ll get rabies. (I literally sleep in a shower cap.)
But I’m also tired because chivalry is dead, and keeping my hopes up for a guy who cares to get to know me is exhausting.
Today is an age when men simply text a girl if they wanna get with her, or swipe left if they don’t. That’s it. No white horse, no flowers, no serenades, no poetry.
What inspires me to write this blog post this morning? My entire dating life aside, my friend was texting a guy for a while. (side note, it’s super sad that “texting” has become a relationship status #DigitalNatives)
The dude told her he had a really important question to ask. I quickly brainstormed. He wanted to ask her out. He wanted to start dating. He wanted to be exclusive.
But no. All of my carefully calculated explanations were apparently too optimistic. His actual question?
Wanna come over to my place, do acid with me and &%*#?
Yeah…I’m gonna let that sink in for a sec…
Like, are you SERIOUS? When my friend responded with a short and classy “lol” as her LAST text to the loser (not to be confused with a luger—cause they’re just trying to get their sled on) the guy tells her she should take it as a compliment and he was being romantic. Ummmm…
NO. Just no.
This is what dating has become. 98% of my friends in relationships started out as a hookup, and that is hard data obtained from years of serious surveying (not really, but I’m ball park correct.)
Dudes wait till the girl already has a drink in her hand to strike up a conversation instead of buying her a drink at the bar. They ask a girl to come over and smoke weed instead of asking her out to dinner. Do they not respect us enough to buy us a drink or take us to dinner? Are they not super into us so they don’t think we’re worth the bill?
Dinner isn’t much. In fact, the cool and trendy thing to do is take us to a low-priced, hipster-laden, down-low-Zagat-rated, hole-in-the-wall restaurant. DUH!
Examples? Prosperity Dumpling. Empanada Mama. Totto Ramen. Le Village. Etc…
Alternatively? A coffee house. A walk in the park. A trip to the zoo. Etc…
REALITY CHECK: I’m not asking for diamonds, helicopter rides or 5-star restaurant dining. I’m asking for a little bit of thought towards what might make me smile. Even more, I’m asking that you get to know me before trying to get WITH me.
I had a long discussion with my sister about the topic–via text obvs– how it seems these guys just want to take me home while I’m looking for more. I’m not looking for a soul mate, and I’m not ready to wife-up, but I’m looking for someone who likes me and not just my butt exclusively.
The bar/club/dating scene is counterproductive. It’s like, if the guy DOES buy me a drink, I feel like I have to go along with the idea that we should hook up. But in the words of all horses I say “NAY!” **eats sugar cube**
Guys. WHY DON’T YOU GET IT? You shouldn’t have an expectation for a woman to sleep with you just because you got her a drink, or talked to her, or asked for her number. Why is it so crazy for a girl to want to get to know a guy before engaging in exualsay intercourseway? #PigLatin
And the other thing? Why would a guy want to go through life having meaningless leg spreads on their most-likely STD-ridden bed spreads, when they could have a cool girl around who actually cares about him and his feelings/life goals?
I want a movement. I want a change. After years of fighting, the LGBT community heard for the first time that same-sex marriage is legalized. They didn’t fight for so long to have sex with each other. In the scheme of things, sex is insignificant. No–they did not fight for sex. They fought for love.
Today, I’m fighting for love. It’s there. I know it is. My parents exemplify true love every day. I’m not giving up on it. I’m simply looking for a man to go one step further. To put in some sort of effort to prove he wants all of me, just as I am.
If guys knew how long women spend getting ready, how much money they spend on clothes and makeup to look good for them, how much time, energy, and thought they invest into researching ways to get a guy, then the cost of a beautiful and thoughtful evening getting to know each other wouldn’t seem so absurd.
Dudes. Get to know the next girl you spot across the bar instead of trying to french her. You may be surprised how much you like her.
And who knows? Maybe you’ll fall in love.