HAPPY FATHER’S DAY: You’re The Best

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(I would like to preface this blog post by warning all fathers reading this to not venture on to read my other blog posts, because they reveal things about your college-age daughters that you would not want to know…trust me…however, all fathers SHOULD read THIS blog post!!)

As the youngest of my father’s daughters, it is true that I am my father’s FAVORITE youngest daughter, and so I find it is only appropriate to write a blog about Father’s Day! YAY!

DEAR DADS,

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY! There are legitimately so many reasons why fathers deserve an entire day devoted to honoring them. Let’s not forget that without these dudes, we wouldn’t exist! And so, they really deserve a whole week! But like, ain’t nobody got time for that.

Dad, Padre, Abba, Haakoro; whatever I call you, I want you to know that you are my superman (and not just because you have a really strong cleft chin). You are completely brilliant, you work tirelessly to provide for your AWESOME fam, you believe in your children, and you carry in your heart an amount of love SO large, I don’t even know what to do with it. Like, I can’t even.

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A squeeze on the shoulder, a kiss on the cheek, a text message of random emojis that show up as a bunch of squares because you don’t have an iPhone…these are all small ways you share your love, and I cherish every moment.

Here are 5 reasons why we LOVE our Dads, and why they deserve to have the most amazing Father’s Day EVER!

1. The Best Shopping Buddies: Dads are the best people to go shopping with, but not clothing shopping…GROCERY shopping! I’m serious. Moms are all about things like health bread and sorbet with flax seeds, but dads want to buy us things that are DELICIOUS, like Coffee Health Bar Crunch ice cream and potato chips.

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They’re also the ones that let us buy soda! So yes, maybe our hearts won’t thank us later when they’re filled with clogs, but for now, they are filled with our fathers’ love!

2. The Best Jokesters: Ahhh Yes, the “Daddy Jokes.” They are the corny jokes our fathers make on a daily basis that you roll your eyes at AND laugh at because even though they are offensively stupid sometimes, we cannot deny that they are also extremely funny!

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Literally, if you told your dad he was a cheesey punster, he may respond with something like, “oh, you mean I’m Munster?” at which you would try not to giggle, and fail miserably. These daddy jokes are witty, clever, and timeless, and so we LOVE our dads for their sense of humor (which we will all regrettably inherit.) #LameParentJokes

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3. The Best Fixer-Upper: As I scanned all the hallmark cards in CVS, I realized that apparently it’s a super typical thing that dads are handy men and fix all the broken things around the house.

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Now, I’m pretty sure the last time my dad touched the toolbox he ended up almost needing stitches, but that’s not to say he doesn’t fix other things. Yes, most fathers fix what is broken in the household, but fathers also fix other, more important broken things. They fix problems. They are the ones to call the school when there is an inaccurate charge on the bill. They are the ones to look all around the house for your lost earring (without telling you they are looking) because they don’t want you to be sad any more. They are the ones that proof read your resume to make sure that everything is perfect. They are handy, and helpful, and a human version of WD-40, which can literally fix anything. You go Dad!

4. The Best Good Cop: Dads are always the good cop in the good cop-bad cop scenario. “Mom, can I have a piece of candy?” “No.” “Dad, can I have a piece of candy?” “Sure honey, grab me one too!” …Literally, Dads are always the good guy. In fights, though they side with mom, or “the boss/Jeffe” as my dad calls her, they still manage to seem like they are on your side. (Side note, this is not to say that the mom is always the bad cop, but like, this IS a Father’s Day post so just let him have this one, ya feel?)

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Maybe it’s their stealthy strategy of staying as quiet as possible, but you just can’t get mad at ‘ol pops. Even when he’s not on your side, he’s still on your side, and that’s why we love em.

5. The Best Role Model: Dads bring home the bacon (or turkey bacon if you’re totally Kosh!) and work all day, giving it their all. They also present themselves well. My dad, though he probably doesn’t know it, is a supah classy guy.

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He knows art, he respects the ballet, he understands which ties are stylish and what cigars to smoke and what wine to drink (after proper aeration of the tannins of course #Wine-ing). He is educated and keeps up with the news by reading the paper instead of just scrolling through twitter. Dads know it all and do it all, and though their stress levels are what let the massage industry thrive, they complain rarely, and still come home with a smile at the end of the day. Like MY dad, fathers are supermen, and they are people to look up to and aspire to be like.

So Daddy, I love you thiiiiiiiiiis much (picture me holding my arms outstretched as far as I can, Michael Jordan Nike Wings poster-style) and I truly hope you understand that not only today do I want you to know that I love you, but that every day I love you more and more, and look up to you (and not just because you’re taller.)

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Though I inherited your never-failing ability to burn yourself on the oven, your restless leg syndrome, and your wide feet, I truly hope I also inherit HALF of the amazing qualities that make you, you, because your heart is warm, your morals are sound, and your love is unmatchable and invaluable.

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY TO YOU AND TO ALL FATHERS!! You deserve it, and much MUCH more!

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P.S., thanks for also giving me my long eye-lashes…those things will get me places 🙂

Hey Mom, You da BOMB: 5 Reasons We Celebrate Mother’s Day

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Flowers, breakfast in bed, Snoopy cards, and many failed attempts at functional family photos? It must be Mothers Day! Here are 5 reasons why I love my mom.

  1. Mother Always Knows Best: Ok, so I don’t know if this happens to anyone else, but sometimes I’ll go outside and my mom tells me to bring a jacket, and I’m all like, no I’ll be fine I’m not cold, and then I’m outside for a few minutes and I realize I’m freezing, but I have to pretend like I’m not cold because I’m stubborn and so she doesn’t know that she was right. Well, guess what mom, you were right. I totally should have listened to you. It’s things like these that moms always know. They know when we should wear our jacket, they know when we’ve had enough ice cream to eat (Haagen-Dazs for the plain flavors and Ben & Jerry’s for the exciting flavors of course,) and they know when heels are too high and are gonna be uncomfortable to walk in even though my feet were totes fine the two minutes I walked in them in the store. So thank you mom, for always knowing. We know you’re always right, even if we don’t want to admit it.
  2. Mothers Are Your Own Worst Critic: Abraham Lincoln (who I think is pretty hot which is weird but like hey, I like em tall) once said, “(S)he has a right to criticize, who has a heart to help.” Well, moms are always DTC (down to criticize) and they definitely are always down to help you fix the problem. As annoying as this may be, I love my mom for this. She tells me when my skirt is too short, and at first I get mad because I was totally going for the slutty-yet-classy look, but when she points out its shortness, I become aware that it wasn’t classy after all. She will tell me if a sentence sounds bad in an essay, and maybe I don’t want to listen because I’m an arrogant writer and think that everything I write is genius, but when it comes down to it, her suggestions are usually really great. Moms are also there to tell you if you need to wax your mustache because you are starting to look like the bearded lady, or tell you you need to fix your hair because the crimped look went out of style before people could realize it was never cool. My mother is definitely a critic, but I can’t hate her for it, because in the end she is only trying to help, and help she does. (and also its not like she is super mean about it like that scary food critic in Ratatouille, Anton Ego, who I don’t actually hate because he becomes all happy in the end of the movie after practically having a foodgasm from the ratatouille the rat makes…totally realistic by the way.)
  3. Mothers Know Random Shit: This is so freaking true that moms know all this totally random information from all their life experience and I’m always like who knows this stuff? Well the answer is our mothers. We go on a drive and I point out some flowers that are pretty. “Oh, those are wisteria flowers” she says. (yeah, you thought I wasn’t listening but I was, malm.) I point out a cute puppy walking by. “Oh, that’s a Bichon,” she tells me. (more like a leash-on, as in you should keep a leash on THAT dog because it is uuuuggglyy!! Ooooo Burn!!…sorry. #UnnecessaryTangent) Anyway, mothers know all these random facts, that I would never learn without her, and I am so thankful for that. (How else would I know the difference between white, cream, ivory, Eggshell, and ecru. Thank goodness I know now, FEWF!)
  4.   Hot Mom Genes (see what I did there? Like Mom Jeans? Get it? Get it?): So like basically, I am extremely thankful for my mom’s amazing good looks, because without them, my siblings and I wouldn’t be so damn attractive! The high cheekbones, the good eyebrows, the flawless smile, and so on, are all thanks to you. For those of you who don’t have a milf of a mother, I hope for your sake your dad’s a hottie (but not the type that screws the nanny because then he’d be a home wrecker.) For those of you with ugly parents, I’m sorry, you’re out of luck, but they are making extraordinary advances in the plastic surgery field so keep your head up, (even if you have to cover it with a brown paper bag until your face gets reconstructed) because there’ still hope! Anyway, thank you mom for being so beautiful, inside and out!  Call someone with oven mitts because you HOT!! Zayummnn
  5. She Loves You Yeah, Yeah, Yeah: The greatest thing about my mother is that she supplies me with an infinite amount of love, that I am so grateful for, and I feel so blessed to have that. On a serious note, (and not a high-pitched note because that would be really annoying) there are some children out there that never hear from their mother that they are loved. Well, every day you have told me that you loved me without fail. You ask me if I know how much you love me, and you stretch out your arms as wide as they go and tell me “thiiiiiiiis much!” Mothers are there to love their children and take care of them and be there for them no matter what, and mom, you do just that. You love me so much, and I love you that much back, and then some. (I always wanted to say “and them some”…I think it makes me sound mature. YAY!)

Happy Mothers Day to all the amazing moms out there! It’s totally not just a day for Hallmark to make some serious greenery. You deserve way more than one day of recognition for all that you do, but since you only get today, take advantage of the pampering you receive, the family time you get, and the laughs you receive when you tell your jokes, because chances are, they weren’t that funny, but we have to laugh, because it’s your special day 🙂 LOVE YOU MOM ❤

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